This is going to be all over the place. And I should have outlined it first, but, hey…..here we go.
Lets be honest for a quick minute. You know, just to set the record straight, so that folks round these parts don’t think I’m some self-righteous, judgemental angry, black woman.
I watched Scandal, RHOA, a few episodes Love and Hip Hop, Grey’s Anatomy, and one episode of Being Mary Jane. And the entire second season of The Haves and the Have Nots.
All have black women in them as leads, all have strong followings, and all are some of the highest rated television on today.
But the key is WATCHED. Past tense. And there’s a reason for it.
I call it the The Glorification of The Side Chick.
And it pisses me off, for two big reasons.
1. They glorify, practically worship the adultry
2. They knew most of us would buy in.
And we have, every week, around Wednesday, my numerous social media feeds (that I affectionally call The Robin’s Nest) blow up with Scandal countdowns. Jokes about hurrying up to finish homework, let me get my wine and don’t even think about talking to me while it’s on, posts pop up until about 11:01.
Look, I get. I feel the same way about football. Twelfth Man Nation all day baby. The NFL is rife with all kinds of salacious news, crazy antics, drugs and murder.
However, this blog post is about what we as women say we want, and what we are actually willing to work hard for.
Take a look at the first picture. You have The Huxtables, and The First Family. Smiles, happy families. The picture they want you to see. Now of course, Claire and Cliff are fictional, but the depiction of them as husband and wife, a team….yeah, I’ll get back to that.
The First Family. Both lawyers, strong willed, smart. He leads the free world, she wants to feed them all healthy food and make sure they have good educations.
I see and hear women talking about how much they want this, but there are no good men out there. And in the black community you have to hear how all the black men are with white women so you have no choices.
So, what else is there, you even go so far as to say……
But that really is a different blog post.
Because, when you compare shows like 2014 Scandal, with 1984 The Cosby Show, that’s thirty years of TV evolution. We’ve gone from glorifying what the family is, to worshipping the number one symptom of why it fails…
Lying, cheating, mis- and no communication and side ratchetry.
This is not love.
You know what love is, being so angry at the person you’re committed to, but forgiving them because you know what really is going on.
Love is work. Life is work. Marriage is work.
And it’s the number one reason why I stopped watching these shows. I may still stop by for a few minutes, but hate myself later, because I know better. Because I ain’t perfect at being a wife. But the way wives are depicted these days, it’s no longer seen as honorable, or even something to be seen as respected. We are shrews. Angry, never satisfied bitter conniving and controlling bitches that the man simply needs to clear his head.
Enter the side chick.
This mess ain’t going to change, unless people stop glorifying it.
And the minute you say ANYTHING about any of these shows, especially Scandal, it’s this all day.
I was watching someone one day and they were talking about steak and side dishes, comparing this to relationships. And how the side dish makes the steak taste better.
What the what?
A good steak only needs a little salt and pepper.
So, why the big deal about these shows? Why so angry about?
In a nutshell, it’s disrespectful to how I see my role as a wife. Look at how Mellie is depicted? Or McDreamy’s first wife. Ambitious, users who’ve cheated before, so hey, they had it coming. And when you can’t leave the wife, you just do what you can so you can be happy.
I’m not making this up, I’ve listened to many a conversation (because speaking up would require control that I simply don’t have anymore, so I put it in my blog), and I’ve come to one conclusion.
Women don’t want relationships, they want situations.
Which leads me to Being Mary Jane.
I saw, one episode, the one where she comes up to the wife, confronts her with the news that she’s the one banging her husband.
And my blood boiled.
Then I put myself in the wife’s shoes and said to myself, if it were me, what would I say, what would I do. Would I fight for my husband and the life I’ve built with him, or let this whore have him who basically ain’t done ish to earn him except spread her legs?
But would I stay? And if I do, I’m seen as a fool because he cheated.
Once a cheater they say…
I honestly don’t know.
I do find it hilariously ironic that this same character goes around telling everyone in her family off every five minutes, about how they can’t get their lives together.
See, I don’t like these shows because they heighten stereotypes, make us look desperate as hell, and ridiculous.
And I’ve been continuosly told IT’S JUST A TV SHOW.
And the fact that the two shows I’m talking about were created and written by black women?
Lord, baby and 33 year old Jesus…..
Talk about slayed.
I know folks are sick of me talking about it, thinking I’m crazy.
But in a society that looks at this
As a to do list, is anyone really surprised.
Look, it’s entertainment, I understand. But what are you feeding your mind and your soul.
You can’t feed your body healthy food, but fill your hearts and minds and souls with poison and expect to live happily. It all affects you.
I’m not saying YOU can’t watch it.
I am saying enough is enough. Stop writing this crap. Stop acting like you understand these characters. That you are them.
At least I hope so.
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